How are you?
How are you really? How are you sleeping? How are you eating?

We all need beings in our lives who ask us these kinds of questions.

What this pandemic continues to show me is how much we need each other – how interconnected we truly are.

Contrary to what we’re often sold, our personal wellness requires the care and attention of the collective. When we’re feeling vulnerable, we may default to pulling in and hiding until the storm passes (my go to) or sharing our challenges with a ton of people to explain why we're "off" … and later regretting it. This makes sense. Sadly, in our western(ized) society, which is structured by the illusion of individualism and the false idea of a meritocracy, we’re simply not shown models of how to lean on others (and be leaned on in return) in a healthy way. We’re told that needing is “weakness.”

The truth is, the human animal cannot survive without the support of others. We need each other to settle our bodies, calm our anxiety and tell each other we’re amazing when we feel the opposite. We require this kind of care and yet, rather than seeking and embracing it, when we feel wobbly, we push away what may stabilize us from embarrassment and shame. I get it. It’s hard to be seen in our shakiness in a culture that demands unwavering “I got this-ness.”

But, I'm so tired of this expectation, friends. The great irony is that leaning on others and being leaned on in return connects us with real strength. We can literally feel this in our bodies. Just imagine in this moment fully giving your weight to another while standing back to back. Now imagine them fully giving their weight to you. Can you feel the warmth of that connection? The ease and opening available when you surrender to being held? The strength of your legs and firing of your core when you fully hold another?

We are not solitary beings fighting for survival in a scarce desert, we are a garden woven by time and symbiotic relationship. Nourishment and support surround us. We just must be brave enough to turn toward it and receive. This is the path of vulnerability and intimacy. Scary, especially in this world, and the medicine many of us need.

These relationships exist even if we're not attuned to them -- even when we've distrusted, discounted or forbidden their assistance. This is the nature of interconnection. As the Dahlia requires the bee and the marigold protects the tomato, these seen and unseen forces are waiting to be recognized and embraced you.

Maybe you're not sure who this is, and that's o.k. Start close in. Consider, which are the relationships you hold dear (or wish you were more attentive to)? With whom do you not feel you have to prove yourself? Who has seen you at your worst and not held that over you? Who has truly celebrated with you at your best? Start watering your garden by telling these folks how you really are. Allow space to receive. With a care, even nascent roots grow strong.

Here are some of the beings who may be on your care team.
A fur. Maybe a pet, maybe a spirit totem
Your tree. Or other place you visit in nature
Your person. Bestie, partner, mentor
Trusted professional. Somatic practitioner, therapist, coach
An ancestor. Who whispers to you in your dreams?
You. Can you allow yourself to let go enough to be supported?

From my growing garden to yours.