i want: a poem for today

This is not the post I intended to write today. After reading and watching and connecting with community, it’s the post that wanted to come through. When I witness fear and violence enacted against Black and brown bodies, it rattles my body. I do not jump to action, I swim in feeling. I process through writing and being in the natural world. Only after I’ve taken the time to understand how my body is impacted — feel its contractions, tension and strain and taken care of what is needed — can I move with my full self into what’s next.

Feeling and inviting others to do the same is my activism. I know that hearing of and witnessing acts of dehumanization impacts all bodies. We feel anger in our chest, tightness in the throat or maybe have disconnected from feeling altogether. What happened to George Floyd, what happened to Christian Cooper, these actions reverberate. Our bodies are constantly attuning to our environment. Even if you feel relatively o.k., can attribute your aches and pains to the usual stressors, it is still a time, especially if you’re a marginalized body, to take care. May you enter the coming days with softness, center practices that bring resilience and trust the seed of your authentic expression that wants to come through. Ashe.

* * * * *

I want to write about the rescue pup we adopted.
About the soft rattle of her snore, and how tightly she curls her peppered body.
About how for the first week she wouldn’t leave the living room,
Wouldn’t leave her bed, and now
Bravely follows me around the block, tail tucked, ears perked sensing the
Rattling wind
Curious neighbors, eager dogs and the
Tumbling of Memorial Day picnic overflow down the street.

I want to write about how we didn’t think any of this would be possible for her.
How far we still have to go.

About how this timid little girl reminds me of what happens
To bodies with unattended trauma
The pulling in
The dimmed light
The hunger for life
And fear it will mean death

I want to tell you how much she’s teaching me.

But I can’t
Because all I can think of are

George Floyd and
Christian Cooper and
Tear Gas and
Percussion grenades and

I can’t breathe

I can’t breathe

I can’t breathe

…

Breathe